when good Anakins go bad
by Kaikura Tenshi
Summary: finaly a fic from Padmé's pov, I've had this for a long time actually, just never bothered to type it...but I have, so enjoy, and please, please, PLEASE review!! *puppy eyes*


Disclaimer: Do I look like I'm R. A. Salvatore or George Lucas...?? I don't THINK so... Then you'll know that I don't own Star Wars nor any of the other stuff relating to it, nor any of the direct quotes I used...though you have NO idea how sad it makes me feel though...  
  
  
  
A/N: This is, at long last, a fic from Padme's point of view. I got the idea taking a walk in the rain (.I just love rain! Can ya tell?). Any- whoo, this relates to her feelings during the details of the book-not necessarily the movie-right after Anakin's mother dies...oh, how dramatic. They really made Padmé seem like a ditz at some points in the book though...that ticked me off. Right, back to the story.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He's hurt, I could see it. His eyes showed everything inside-the pain, the rage, the guilt, the grief-things I never saw a Jedi feel before...but he's only human after all.  
  
I remember when I first met him, a small slave sitting on a counter asking if I was an angel. I remember how cold and empty little Ani had felt sitting in the star ship. He missed her so much, and he knew he would meet her again. But I don't think he expected this, does anybody?  
  
When he moved closer to me, I could feel an odd presence around him. He was tense...and afraid-very afraid. I can't stand to be away from him when he feels like this, he needs someone. I just would like to comfort him, that's all I can give him.  
  
As I move closer to the workbench, I can see he's only half there...the wrench moving in stiff, exaggerated jerks. He pays little attention to me, so I watch as he stiffly works. "Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things," he says more to himself than anyone else, trying to convince himself that he was okay. He starts to ramble uneasily.  
  
My mind wanders from his words to his face, the grim melancholy radiating. I am jolted back when he slams the wrench on the workbench. The sorrowful look in his eyes makes me realize that he looks as if he's about to collapse. "Why did she have to die?"  
  
All he needs is someone to be there for him. I slip my arms around him in a hug, and I can feel his un-easy breathing. "Ani, you tried." I wrap him closer, "You're not all powerful..."  
  
He pulls back angrily to my surprise. He is stiff with fear and I am becoming worried as he begins to talk. "But I should be! And some day I will be!"  
  
The voice seems to come from a different Anakin, not the one I know. "Anakin, don't say such things..." He ignores me and rambles on. Why is he saying these things? "Anakin..."  
  
"It's all Obi-Wan's fault!" He's not paying attention, his mind is possessed. He's so absorbed in himself that he can't see how foolish he's acting.  
  
"You can't know-"  
  
"He's jealous of me!" He's so afraid of the truth, but his fear turns to anger. "He's holding me back!" The wrench flies across the room and smashed into the wall.  
  
What happened to him? To the loveable Anakin that I met 10 years ago? "Anakin! What's wrong?" I know that I shouldn't have given such a sad, scared look, but I did. I can't help but show my emotions now. I can't let him keep this secret anymore. He may push me away and jabber mindlessly about Obi-Wan, but he can't fool me. He will tell me.  
  
I wish I were like rain. Rain from the lush, green lands of Naboo, the droplets keeping everything alive and well. And it's soothing. I love to hear the downpours outside my window; I would wait anxiously for them. But more importantly, he can't avoid it; he cannot simply brush the rain away.  
  
Right now, he needs my showers, droplets cooling the anger and soothing the soul of this Jedi knight. As he begins to tell me of the Tuskens, I can imagine the sympathy of crying clouds pouring out on him. Then he would know I was there, he could not ignore me, and we could be sad together.  
  
There was something in those moments about the way the light reflected off of his eyes that made him look.different, lonely-scared. "And..." as he swung between anger and guilt, he said it; "I slaughtered them all like animals! I hate them!"  
  
How...  
  
  
  
  
  
As I sit there holding him, the only words I can think of are, "You're only human." He tries to protest, but I'll have no more of that.  
  
"Shh...you're human..." And as I rock Ani back and forth in my arms, I can almost feel my clouds raining on him as he cries on my shoulder. He will be all right, now that the rain has come for him... 


End file.
